1 Corinthians 13 never convicted me more than when I became a mother to four children. I think somewhere along the line I started thinking I could speak unkindly and impatiently to my children because, well, after all, I am the authority figure. God’s Word cuts to the chase when it tells me, first of all, to love those around me. This includes my children. But the Bible also clearly defines love, telling me exactly what it looks like.
Love is patient.
What is patience? According to Merriam Webster, patience is defined as:
Love is patient. Therefore, if I am thinking, speaking, or acting with impatience, then I am not behaving with love. If I love someone, I will be patient with them.
I’ve discovered it can be very easy for me to pass off my impatience under the guise of “righteous anger.” Or perhaps I justify it because “Well, someone else actually sinned against me first, so how else was I supposed to respond?!” The Spirit of God speaks clearly to that faulty reasoning: “Love your enemies…if you love those who love you, what reward do you have?…be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:44-48). There cannot be an action that justifies an impatient reaction. Love is always patient.
What does it look like to be patient?
How does the Biblical truth that “love is patient” apply to my relationships? I’ve thought through four roles; starting with two roles that might apply to most of you (friend and church member) and narrowing down from there (spouse and parent). My prayer is that these descriptors would challenge you to think through the way you interact in your God-given roles God and that the loving Holy Spirit would use them to motivate you to patient love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24).
A Patient Friend
A patient friend won’t insist that all their friends (or relations) act the way they want them to act or even believe what they want them to believe. This means that a patient person will most likely have a wide group of friends with varied interests, beliefs, personalities, and quirks. What binds this friendship together is not the absence of disagreement or difficulties, but the presence of patient love. A patient friend will not hastily end a friendship based on hurtful words or actions but will continue to love through the difficulties and pain. They do not give up on a person because texts were not returned or hurtful words were said. Instead, a patient friend regularly soaks their soul in the life-changing truth that God shows undeserved patience to them every single day, so they seek to emulate God’s patient love in the relationships around them.
A Patient Church Member
A patient church member is not one who turns a blind eye to problems in the church. On the contrary, they might be the first one to notice issues that need to be addressed. But a church member who exercises patience will not make an impetuous decision to leave as soon as he discovers the first problem. Nor will he begin distrusting the church leadership simply because they cannot understand all sides of the issue. Rather, he will prayerfully seek God’s will for his life. It could be that God is working through this church member to help resolve this issue, or maybe God is using this problem to chisel away at an idol of control in this church member’s life. A patient church member is most concerned with God’s sovereign timing, not theirs. They are most passionate about the glory of God’s name, not the utilization of their ideas. If this church member approaches their church leadership with the issue, they speak with a spirit of patient love rather than an insistence on their own way. In all conversations, their attitude is marked by love and patience for each member of the body—both those who agree and those who do not.
A Patient Spouse
A patient spouse knows that marriage is not all about them and their desires. They strive to be thoughtful, prayerful, and measured in their responses, rather than being quick to assume and respond in anger. They continue to love despite the idiosyncrasies and inconveniences of their spouse. They know that strong marriages aren’t built in a day, so they take the long view of marriage—imagining and working towards the next fifty years with their spouse rather than focusing only on the difficulties of today. They don’t ignore the conflicts, but neither do they try to solve them all in one night. They are careful and prayerful as they seek to work through every aspect of marriage: communication, conflict resolution, spiritual matters, sexual relationship, emotional health, money issues, etc. Their first response is marked by calmness rather than complaint. A loving spouse knows that patience is most important when it’s the hardest.
A Patient Parent
A patient parent remembers that they have not arrived as the model of a perfect parent. Just as they teach and discipline their child, their heavenly Father teaches and disciplines them. They strive to model their instruction and correction after the patient character of God rather than the erratic nature of their emotions. They don’t lash out at their disobedient child in anger; rather, they show patient love in the way they deal with them. They constantly remind themselves that their timetable is not the most important thing and that God is always at work to mold their character through the many discipleship opportunities throughout the day. By the power of the Holy Spirit, they daily (hourly/minute-ly) surrender their own will to the will of their heavenly Father as they seek to patiently teach their child to “obey their parents in all things, for this pleases the Lord” (Colossians 3:20).
How can I become more patient?
First, remember that it’s not all about you. Just as we cannot save ourselves from the penalty of sin and death, so we cannot will ourselves to be patient. The path to victory begins when we realize, by the power of the Holy Spirit, that we are wrong and incapable of producing patient love in our own strength.
Second, ask God to reveal your impatience to you. A prayer I love to pray: Search me O God, and know my heart. Try me, and know my thoughts. And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24).
A bold prayer to pray:
“God, show me where I quickly respond out of impatience
rather than evidencing your patient love.”
Finally, meditate on God’s patient love for you. How many times a day do you push for your way in your timing? How often do you get impatient at God because he’s not doing what you think is best? And yet, our loving heavenly Father says these words: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us” (1 John 1:9). God’s faithful love does not change when I show impatience—even when I show it towards him. Rather, he promises that his steadfast, patient love for me is from everlasting to everlasting. What a God!
A thought that always encourages me on this road of becoming more like Jesus:
God is even more committed to my sanctification process than I am. He wants me to succeed in this whole business of patient love! As I surrender my life and timetable to him, he will work to make my love look more like his perfect, patient love.
“I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ”
(Philippians 1:6).
